Think before you speak
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Mythree-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Remember we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Are you kidding me?
Michael Morales, 46, was scheduled to die Tuesday by injection for torturing, raping and murdering a 17-year-old girl 25 years ago.
But officials at San Quentin State Prison could not meet the demands of a federal judge who ordered licensed medical personnel to take part in the execution. Because of ethical considerations, there were no takers, and the execution was called off.
The jackass judge wanted to make sure that Morales didn't feel any pain. WHAT? Torture, rape and murder, and we're worried that he's going to feel a little pinch?
Hockey - Canada, USA down, out and over.
Davis suing city of Chicago for racial profiling.
Bode injures ankle playing hoops.
Jumping for show, Jacobellis gives up the gold.
American Idol gets better ratings.
Canada beats the US 11-5 in curling.
Curling is the No. 2 sport in Canada behind hockey.
You know what the Olympics most remind me of? Miss America. The pageant worked the same dodge for decades, giving us competitors we'd never heard of, putting on acts we didn't really care about, with judging we often didn't understand.
Our Tax Dollars
Our Tax Dollars hard at work.
There is a contestant in American Idol that is from Massachusetts... and it's great that her father is in California to support her. Shouldn't Senator Scott Brown be at work? Last I checked the MA Senate isn't on recess. Glad he's working for me.
In other news...Legislators voice fear on new armor-piercing weapons.
Is the time-tested truism that criminals can get their hands on anything they want (drugs, guns, money), regardless of its legal status, some kind of revelation for these people? Are they just now waking up to this?
In one breath they propose banning the sale of handguns to law-abiding citizens, to get them "off the streets". In the very next breath they acknowledge that criminals intent on violating the law will have no problem buying ammunition for the hopefully-soon-to-be-banned handguns on the black market.
Just where do they think the criminals are getting their guns in the first place?
Bottom line is that laws such as this affect only those citizens prone to - wait for it - obeying the law. The principle of supply and demand that drives the black market cannot be wished away by any level of feel-good, hand-holding, fairy tale adventures in lawmaking.
Violent gangbangers, intent on murdering their fellow scumbags, are walking the streets with complete disregard for Attorney General Reilly's Approved Firearms Roster.
There's simply not enough gun control here in Massachusetts. Though, who could blame the Police for taking that stance? There's actual, dangerous policework involved with "stringently regulating" criminals. It's so much easier (not to mention, possible) to restrict my rights by passing more gun laws instead.
I love Massachusetts.
What They Said:
That Guy says Used to Work in Britain on 2/28/2006
The British used to have very effective gun control: If you used a gun to commit a crime in which someone was killed, you automatically got to ride in Mr. Edison's Rocking Chair. British Bobbies didn't even carry guns.
I have a friend who's a reporter in suburban England. She routinely reports on things like charities being vandalized, homeowners unable to protect their property, and the police completely ineffective at stopping hoodlums.
Shoot, it's better than that in Massachusetts, but give 'em time.
Happy Valentines Day!
Ovah heya is the bah..
Why do we continue to re-elect big Teddy?
In the debates regarding Judge Alito fat Teddy has the sack to question the nominee's truthfulness, suggesting a "credibility gap."
And then there is the junior senator from this fine state.. Mr. Kerry.. Let's see if someone else has the guts start the filibuster so I can follow along and take the credit, or if not, then I can say, "Gee, I wanted to filibuster...but...oh well."
Good lord.. where do we find these guys?!
Last Wednesday, there was an article in the Boston Globe regarding the robbery in a Weymouth gun store. They made off with "numerous" hand guns and a shotgun, and 10 boxes of ammunition.
A spokesman from the ATF said "The guns may now be in the hands of potential criminals."
Potential criminals? How could that be? You mean the people that stole the guns are not Federally licensed dealers? And they won't file the paperwork with the Feds when they sell to someone?
Time to move?
Too Dumb To Be A Criminal
An UNMASKED Milan, Italy, bank robber held up the bank branch where he did his banking, and was thus recognized. But wait! There’s more! He fled the bank with about $8,500 but lost it all when he was mugged. But wait! There’s more! He was injured when a car hit him. If he kept trying to get away, he may have killed himself!
Ready... set.... go!
The city of Bangkok, which is notorious for traffic jams, has decided to install timers at busy intersections to let motorists know how long they have to wait for a green light. Apparently the timers were installed to help drivers calm down who may have been waiting at a red light for a long time.
"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President
"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)"
- Sign on door of repair shop
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
New Years Resolutions
Received via email, but a good place to start right?!
New Year's Eve has always been a time for looking back to the past, and more importantly, forward to the coming year. It's a time to reflect on the changes we want (or need) to make and resolve to follow through on those changes. Did your New Year resolutions make our top ten list?
1) Spend More Time with Family & Friends
Recent polls conducted by General Nutrition Centers, Quicken, and others shows that more than 50% of Americans vow to appreciate loved ones and spend more time with family and friends this year.
2) Fit in Fitness
The evidence is in for fitness. Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some cancers, increases longevity, helps achieve and maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In short, exercise keeps you healthy and makes you look and feel better.
3) Tame the Bulge
Fifty-five percent of adults in America are overweight, so it is not surprising to find that weight loss is one of the most popular New Year's resolutions. Setting reasonable goals and staying focused are the two most important factors in sticking with a weight loss program, and the key to success for those millions of Americans who made a New Year's commitment to shed extra pounds.
4) Quit Smoking
If you have resolved to make this the year that you stamp out your smoking habit, over-the-counter availability of nicotine replacement therapy now provides easier access to proven quit-smoking aids. Even if you've tried to quit before and failed, don't let it get you down. On average, smokers try about four times before they quit for good. Start enjoying the rest of your smoke-free life!
5) Enjoy Life More
Given the hectic, stressful lifestyles of millions of Americans, it is no wonder that "enjoying life more" has become a popular resolution in recent years.
6) Quit Drinking
While many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking, most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at once. Many heavy drinkers fail to quit cold turkey but do much better when they taper gradually, or even learn to moderate their drinking. If you have decided that you want to stop drinking, there is a world of help and support available.
7) Get Out of Debt
Was money a big source of stress in your life last year? Join the millions of Americans who have resolved to spend this year getting a handle on their finances. It's a promise that will repay itself many times over in the year ahead.
8) Learn Something New
Have you vowed to make this year the year to learn something new? Perhaps you are considering a career change, want to learn a new language, or just how to fix your computer? Whether you take a course or read a book, you'll find education to be one of the easiest, most motivating New Year's resolutions to keep. Challenge your mind in the coming year, and your horizons will expand.
9) Help Others
A popular, non-selfish New Year's resolution, volunteerism can take many forms. Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local library, mentoring a child, or building a house, these nonprofit volunteer organizations could really use your help.
10) Get Organized
On just about every New Year resolution top ten list, organization can be a very reasonable goal. Whether you want your home organized enough that you can invite someone over on a whim, or your office organized enough that you can find the stapler when you need it, these tips and links should get you started on the way to a more organized life.
I've got 4, 6 pretty much covered, the rest.. attainable I think.
Will the Feds Bust Santa Claus?
When Santa Claus comes to town this week, he'd better watch out -- because the federal government may be making a list of his crimes (and checking it twice), the Libertarian Party warned today.
"Hark the federal agents sing, Santa is guilty of nearly everything," said Libertarian Party press secretary George Getz. "The feds know when Santa's been bad or good -- and he's been bad, for goodness sakes."
Does Santa belong in the slammer? Instead of stuffing stockings, should he be making license plates?
Yes, said Getz, if he's held to the same standards as a typical American.
* Every December 25, the illegal immigrant known as Santa Claus crosses the border into the United States without a passport. He carries concealed contraband, which he sneaks into the country in order to avoid inspection by the U.S. Customs Service. And just what's in all those brightly colored packages tied up with ribbons, anyway? The Drug Czar and Homeland Security want to know.
* Look at how this international fugitive gets around: Santa flies in a custom-built sleigh that hasn't been approved by the FAA. He never files a flight plan. He has no pilot's license. In the dark of night, he rides the skies with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to guide him -- a clear violation of traffic safety regulations.
* Pulling Santa's sleigh: Eight tiny reindeer, a federally protected species being put to hard labor. None of these reindeer have their required shots, and Santa's never bothered to get these genetically- engineered animals registered and licensed. It's no wonder: He keeps them penned outside his workplace in a clear violation of zoning laws.
* But Crooked Claus the Conniving Capitalist harms more than just animals -- he's hurting hard-working American laborers, too. Isn't Santa's Workshop really Santa's Sweatshop, where his non-union employees don't make minimum wage and get no holiday pay? Add the fact that OSHA has never inspected the place, and you have a Third-World elf-exploitation operation that only Kathy Lee Gifford could love.
* No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy distribution industry: He's cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa dares to give away his products for free in a sinister attempt to crush all competition -- just like Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Antitrust Lawsuit Memo to the feds: Is Santa Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?
The bottom line, said Getz: "It might be tough sledding for Jolly St. Nick this Christmas if the government decides to prosecute him.
"We're just surprised it hasn't already happened. After all, Santa Claus is everything that politicians aren't: He's popular, reliable, and gives us something for nothing every December 25th -- instead of taking our money every April 15th."
Are we that dumb?
Why does the media treat us like we don't have a window? Or go outside?
WE ARE LIVE with Storm Track Coverage
and WE ARE LIVE
here is a LIVE shot of the snow
here is a LIVE shot of a snowplow.. see the pretty flashing yellow light?
WE ARE LIVE
WE ARE LIVE
here are some LIVE shots from the coast
high tide is not for another 12 hours, but we'll bring it to you LIVE when it happens
LIVE footage now from the North Shore
WE ARE LIVE
Let's have a look at the Doppler Radar
WE ARE LIVE
Let's get another LIVE shot of the snow falling and the dumbasses driving.
The Xtreme Team.. LIVE STORMTRACK Coverage. The most COMPLETE Coverage.. We are live.. Now lets go live to see if the sidewalk has been shoveled yet.
Here is another LIVE shot.. send us your pictures of it snowing because we have the most COMPLETE coverage.
It's snow people.. It's December, it's New England.. snow happens in December in New England.
WE ARE LIVE
oh.. and stop driving like a dumbass
WE ARE LIVE
What They Said:
enevi says ahead of your time on 12/11/2005
BBS says Argh... on 12/12/2005
2 freekin hours to go 7 miles on Friday afternoon!
BTW Dillholes BMWs were not designed for driving like you normally do (like idiots) when there is snow on the ground. I also have one further piece of advice for all of you out there driving rear wheel drive cars (and trucks) GET SOME SNOW TIRES!!!!!