Dec
2
2005

Where is the outrage?

0

Where is the outrage?

It has been a while since I've read such a pathetic anti-gun column as this one. From the business section of the Boston Globe, comes this hyperbole-laden, Chicken Little-inspired, "The Sky is Falling" piece of blather from Globe columnist, Steve Bailey. You can almost taste the irrationality, fear and hatred in his words.

Live fee and die

Yes, folks, according to this enlightened "progressive" thinker, freedom now equals death. I was woefully unaware of that until now - must have missed the memo. Thank you, Mr. Bailey for duly enlightening me as to this stunning new development.

Thirty thousand people a year -- 82 a day -- are killed by guns every year in this country.


232 people die each day from alcohol abuse, yet ANYBODY can purchase alcohol
1191 people die each day from tobacco, which is even easier to get than alcohol
1095 people die each day from poor diet and lack of exercise
117 people die each day in car accidents and lord know's we'll give anybody a license
178 people die each day from the FLU
136 people die each day from Alzheimer's
85 people die each day from Septicemia
2566 people die each day from Major Cardiovasular Diseases

Where is the outrage?

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 12/2/2005



Nov
25
2005

Muphy's Friends Part II

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Muphy's Friends Part II

First Law of Expert Advice: Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.

First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.

First Rule of Superior Inferiority: Don't let your superiors know you're better than they are.

Frisch's Law: You cannot have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Fudd's First Law of Opposition: If you push something hard enough, it will fall over. Tesler's Deviant to Fudd's Law: It goes in -- it must come out.

Gerrold's Law: A little ignorance can go a long way.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The energy required to change either one of the states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.

Gibb's Law: Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

Ginsberg's Theorem (Generalized Laws of Thermodynamics): 1. You can't win. 2. You can't break even. 3. You can't even quit the game. Ehrman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem: 1. Things will get worse before they get better. 2. Who said things would get better? Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Glaser's Law: If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn't fit anyone.

Glyme's Formula for Success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

Green's Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Haldane's Law: The Universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we CAN imagine.

Harris' Lament: All the good ones are taken.

Hart's Law: In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.

Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away. Shevelson's Extension: ... having done its damage. Grelb's Addition: ... if it was bad, it will be back.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 11/25/2005



Nov
23
2005

Thanksgiving

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Thanksgiving

Happy Over Eating Day
Before


After


0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 11/23/2005



Nov
4
2005

Why?

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Why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 11/4/2005


Oct
26
2005

Some of Murphy's Friends

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Some of Murphy's Friends

Agnes Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Army Laws: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If you can't pick it up, paint it.

Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.

Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age: Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

Basic Law of Construction: Cut it large and kick it into place.

Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.

Benchley's Law: Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.

Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.

Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.

Boling's Postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder.

Borstelmann's Rule: If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

Bralek's Rule for Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you do when things go wrong.

Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.

Cannon's Comment: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM.

Cardinal Conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

Character and Appearance Law: People don't change; they only become more so.

Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas: Every revolutionary idea -- in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever -- evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases: 1. “It is completely impossible -- don't waste my time.” 2. “It is possible, but it is not worth doing.” 3. “I said it was a good idea all along.”

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Cleveland's Highway Law: Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.

Clyde's Law: If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.

Cohen's Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.

Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Colvard's Logical Premise: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen, or it won't.

Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology: 1. No action is without side-effects. 2. Nothing ever goes away. 3. There is no free lunch.

Dieter's Law: The food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

Displaced Hassle Principle: To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.

Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Dykstra's Law: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Edelstein's Advice: Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Ehrlich's Rule: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. Corollary: Don't try to change lines. The other line -- the one you were in originally -- will then move faster.

Farber's Third Law: We're all going down the same road in different directions

Finagle's Laws of Information: 1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Finnigan's Law: The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/26/2005


Oct
16
2005

4,733,538

1

4,733,538

9 Years - or -
468 Weeks - or -
3,285 Days - or -
78,892 Hours - or -
4,733,538 Minutes
ago.. my life changed forever.

Feels like it was yesterday.

Happy Birthday Conor!

What They Said:

Unkie Todd says Second that! on 10/17/2005
Yes I second that! How many hockey balls you lose?


1 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/16/2005


Oct
8
2005

Best Red Sox Quote

0

Best Red Sox Quote

The best Red Sox quote in the news

Wait 'till last year!

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/8/2005


Oct
6
2005

Random Randomness

1

Random Randomness

It's not very often that the ol' hometown makes the news.. but it did the other day. For what you ask? Excellent question. It's a phrase that's been around for years. But some people in Medway think it's too vulgar to appear on the back of a septic company's trucks.

Shit Happens

Statement of fact I suppose. News worthy? [CBS4 Boston]

Red Sox. Feh.

Bruins. Feh.

New York Named in Terror Threat Against Subways. - New York Offcials are in a dither.. The Feds.. not so much. Trust the authorities, they'll protect you... oh wait...

I'd like to suggest a book. Quick read.. you might even learn something.

This just in.. a good diet and excercise reduces your risk of stroke.

We know that no medicine is for everyone. The most common side effects are headache, facial flushing, and upset stomach. Less common are bluish or blurred vision, or being sensitive to light. These may occur for a short time.

Thank you.. that is all.

What They Said:

BBS says HA on 10/8/2005
Buncha A$$holes...


1 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/6/2005


Oct
3
2005

Going to Florida?

0

Going to Florida?

I saw the following ad in the Boston Globe this weekend, and I'm sure it's been all around the country warning people to be carefull when they travel to Florida.

Think about it....it really is brilliant. Anti-gunners are warning tourists to mind their manners in Florida. How is this a bad thing? "Don't argue with the locals." What they really should say is, "Just because you are on vacation in our state doesn't give you the right to act like an ass and be rude. Please treat us with respect and we will have no problems treating you with respect and helping you spend your money down here." Of course we all know that you still have to meet the rules of imminient threat, so this thing really only changes the attitude of self-defense. No one can make those rediculous claims that some Floridian is going to get sued or thrown in jail for a legit shoot. Floridians don't have to fear the justice system more than defending their own life from a legitimate threat.

Seriously, they are proving that an armed society is a polite society.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/3/2005


Sep
15
2005

Things you learn in College

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Things you learn in College

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

He responded by asking her how she was doing in school.
Taken back, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus, college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1 .0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 9/15/2005



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